I woke very early and watched some tv, before enjoying a beer and hot tub for lunch. We found out that Quantas had grounded their entire fleet and Penny who I was meant to be picking up at 5am tomorrow was flying with those bastards and had to change his flight to get here. Unfortunately Penny struggled to get a flight as he was pissed and also couldn't comprehend that drinking may ban him from the flight so we had some very un-copus mentus chat while he was drunkenly flailing around Santiago airport. If I turn up tomorrow and he is not there at 5.30am I may murder him! He went offline and I was hoping that's because he was boarding and not being escorted to a holding cell at the airport. Knowing him he'll pull a Savage and be the grounds of the flight being diverted and stopped for an arrest. Now for an afternoon of hot tub, Gavin and Stacey and more vod and beer.
I woke early and with no evidence of Penny arriving except a flight having landed I took off to the airport and circled it waiting for any signs of Bristolian life. I ducked into arrivals where he had just come through due to a mix up with his walking stick. I snoozed on the sofa whilst stoney failed on his beer run! We got the train into Auckland with the idea of crashing there overnight for Halloween shenanigans, Stone got his fix via the Sky City casino and I got wound up that the hostel closed its bar for a staff function.....on halloween and when I complained the dead eyed Dutchman at the counter couldn't have been less helpful so I checked us out on the spot and we got the train back to Mugsys and stayed there again. I just really resented giving that little shit the last of what little money I had left.
The next morning I collected the car and drove us to Raglan, checked into Raglan backpackers which was a massive chill-out place with a hot tub and free or cheap rentals of kayaks or surf boards.We went up to the beach and had a few beers and skim boarded, conditions weren't exactly ideal for surfing which was a shame. There were a few hot girls in the hot tub and I was sharking to get in but when I was waiting Penny jumped in ruining the whole ambience and labelling himself Judas. As a result Stones and I bailed and went to the hotel to watch the Melbourne Cup, just before the start I put a $5 bet on and my horse only went and won, even better the hotel put on a spread for the races. Penny came and met us later and we gave it to him for the hot tub incident but it wasn't long till we calmed down and sank into the rounds of alcohol free flowing. Later I jumped in the hot tub naked for no other reason than there was a sign permitting it. I chilled in a hammock while Penny sharked and Stoney tried really hard to chat up a girl but because he dislikes small talk, stopped her after five minutes to say 'I must tell you that this is really boring to me,' a true Casanova! I called it a night but in the dark knocked over my pot noodle from earlier and decided to clean it up with Pennys pillow, then went to sleep.
We got up and had a quick Kayak before heading off to Hamilton via Bridal Veil Falls.
Hamilton is pretty boring so we grabbed lunch and headed down to Neil and Linda's in Matamata. We went up to the shire so I could show Penny the rolling hills up to the set of the hobbit. We had a good chat and comfy beds to sleep in, a good stop off!
We had a fry up in the morning and Pen drove us to Rotorua. The boys Zorbed, then we went and argued with some Ostriches. We then went on to the Luge which was awesome, basically downhill go-karting track (unmotorised) with poor to piss poor breaks. We had three runs and I successfully passed Penny twice and Stoney once (the other times they started behind me and didn't pass).
We checked into a hostel and chilled out in the polynesian spas, wasn't as good as last time as I was considerably less intoxicated this time. We had bought pizza to cook but the hostel didn't have an oven so we went to dominos to get a pizza fix, it was probably the most disgusting dirty and fly ridden dominos I have ever seen. Penny spazzed out when he was told wifi was a dollar an hour, a free right to travellers in his humble opinion....so we continued to tease him about this. We watched Lord of the Rings 3 then 1 and then hit bed.
I would like to make a comment about Stonelakes eating habits, he can comfortably just eat fruit, crisps and fast food. We went to Taupo and enjoyed Huka Falls before trying the hole in one golf into Lake Taupo, I came close a few times but couldn't hit the green. We visited the bungee and argued about whether or not to do the Tongariro crossing. We tried to cook pizza again but no ovens so we fried them, it wasn't great but was edible. I shaved in my handle bar moustache for Movember and we got on the drinks, which was great until intoxication set in and the Maori bouncer started talking about burgers and I misunderstood go have a burger and sober up for 'get me a burger', so I said no and gave him shit.....then came the threats so I bailed. Stoney had also bailed, he has become a drunken wanderer. Pennys snoring is still an issue with girls in our room trying to roll him to stop....it failed.
The next day the boys bungeed (the same one I did before but can't afford fun like this anymore), followed by the natural springs in the mighty Waikato river. We drove to New Plymouth which had stunning mountains and a beautiful coastline, and in the shadow of stunning Mount Taranaki. We met Keri, Mugsys nephew, who I used to play rugby with. We met him in the Railway pub and Hotel in Inglewood and Keri rocks up t announce his wife just had his first child, what you wanna do tonight? Nothing fazes this guy. He let us stay at his and we had a few beers and I made dinner (beautifully cooked lamb, asparagus and pumpkin) while family came over with congratulations.
Keri hooked us up with a wicked fry up and we headed off to Whanganui via Waihi beach. We had a look around Wangas, had lunch and checked out their famous lift the Durie Hill Elevator.
I was hoping to meet Robbie Powers family but bad timing of running out of credit and then battery so it never happened and we made our way on to Wellington where we had a great beer in the sunshine down the waterfront before staying at Pennys cousin Dougs house. I watched the exorcist and crashed.
In the morning we got the bus to Courtenay Place and got the cable car up to the botanical gardens and I made a huge lunch at the hostel before I came up with a great new game to play in museums, get waisted! So you find quiet places and try and drink....not the most genuis game but great fun! We had another beautiful evening so more drinking down the front, before being robbed in a pub quiz. Got really drunk and met Layla for a cheeky drink then I trashed the hostel room.
The next day I was really hung over so ate loads of subway then decided to drink all the way to Napier. On the way I needed to answer the call of nature so climbed over razor wire drunk and proceeded to piss all over my jeans. Then we met Ben Baty, my old waterskiing buddy in Napier and abused Stonelake till bed, apparently I was incredibly lary but I had a chat with Ben in the morning and he said it was funny.
The next day was a late start but we went down Marine parade down the front of Napier and paddled in the Pacific before I beat Stoney and Pen in two rounds of mini golf. We had steak for dinner and chilled.
The idea of this day was to go on a wine tour but as Stoney and Penny don't like making decisions we sat around till lunch time not making any. I wrote my blog and felt more disinterested with doing anything. Just a morning funk, keen to get out there this alvo. The afternoon went well the boys had a great wine tour and I drove and then Stoney cooked dinner. It was so funny the boys were wasted and gave me a hard time as the sober one which was quite funny.
Stoney bought me a bottle of wine as a thank you which was an unusually classy touch. During the tour my heart sank a little as I noticed some damage to one of the wing mirrors, and as I have a $2000 retainer on my card I had a brief freak out. We watched some more tv and again settled for a relatively early night with the prospect of a big weekend.
I woke with the workers as they prepped breakfast as we had been staying in Bens living room, normally I would sleep through this but felt today I wanted to show that we weren't here on a jolly and could get up at a reasonable time, and yes I know this is going to bite me in the ass at 10pm tonight when I start to lag but solidarity brother come on! In the haze of claiming I was awake and considering dozing.....and possibly dozing, I mapped out the next few days. We went to the vineyards again but this time Penny drove so I got to do the drinking…..I mean tasting. We went to Clearview winery which had sixteen wines for tasting, start as we meant to go on. Inside the guy doing the notes for the tasting was French and as well as knowing his stuff he would finish every note with ‘so when you are a beautiful women and get some scallops/salmon/veal and cut up some shallots and make a creamy sauce this wine is perfect with it’ very funny. We hit a few more where Stoney discovered desert wine and one that we had to pay for so went to the car to collect our wallets before driving off. At the next place there was a lawn along the driveway and I decided to jump out of the moving car and tuck and roll…..twice, I think the wine was now having its desired effect. The next place did sauces as well and offered bread for dipping but when the bread ran out Penny helped himself to a slice from the loaf and promptly got cut off from having bread. We met loads of interesting people who worked at the wineries from the guy from the midlands to a very friendly Asian chick and a gorgeous blonde kiwi, who wanted nothing to do with me as I was slurring outrageously by then. We bought beer and went back to Bens where we marinated on the couch while he cooked us gourmet burgers for dinner. The plan was to go out but by midnight everyone was a bit too soused or tired so we stayed in.
I woke with a bad head and Stoneboner had nicked my covers. Ben cooked omelettes then we walked into town for a subway lunch and walk along the parade. Ben took us to the Filter House which was a cider and beer tasting tray restaurant, with six half pints for $15 and almost all being awesome! We met our hosts for the night and returned to Haverlock North to find the floor and sofas we would be sleeping on, I saw a Greece flag in a house and shouted ‘pay your bills’ Ben thought this was hysterical. We played drinking games and I developed Stoneys porno name, Tad Cut. Mine is Awesome Welles. We went to a pool party with a BBQ but no swimming. Ben showed me how to kickbox by beating me up. I felt ill and mulled around quietly for two hours before getting back in the drinking games and banter. For some reason I have written that Penny and Stoney shagged a three legged cat, don’t know why but I think it may be because Penny had been sleeping with the cat on the sofa the previous nights. Penny got quite drunk….and naked….and I pushed him in the pool, which I think was his ultimate goal. We hit town and had a really good time bar hopping. On the way back Baty was wasted and tried to walk up a small incline on a muddy bank and stacked it getting covered in mud, he then stopped us and pointed out a church telling us we can’t go there anymore. I walked a girl home and by the time I got back Stoney and Pen had taken the sofa bed and all the covers. I walked into a table knocking over a wine glass but somehow in the dark reached out and caught it before it smashed. I nicked one set of covers and then hid stoneys and pens set. I woke up halfway through the night freezing and realised I had been sleeping on the vacuum cleaner. I was annoyed so hid Stoneys shoes….I don’t really know why.
Ben drove us back the next morning and we packed up said our farewells and set off for Mt Manganui. On the way we had to pull over for Stoney as he though he would spew, but it turned out to be a stunning waterfall, he never did spew but felt rough and slept most of the journey, while Penny dozed and I contemplated. We made it to the mount and saw the stunning beach and offshore you could just about make out the stricken Rena, a container ship the drunk Captain had run aground a few weeks ago, that had spilled oil closing the beaches, fortunately it was contained, cleaned and dealt with quickly and efficiently. We went and met my other waterski buddy Jay and chilled with him as the day was pretty much a hung over write off. We watched Cars 2 and Jay stayed at his girlfriend’s meaning I had a bed to sleep in.
I woke after eight great hours of sleep, got up and watched breakfast TV where the presenters were trying to condone the fact that the All Blacks wing Zach Guilford had got drunk and naked and beaten up two people in a bar in the Cook Islands. The phrase he used was ‘Let’s face it we’re a country that drinks’, which is great advice to young misguided souls who if they did it would have been arrested. We climbed Mt Manganui which had some stunning views, Stoney really struggled with the fitness and sulked at the top until some woman took pity on him and offered him water and sweets, the lanky streak of piss. We went for a run on the back and then a swim and some midday skinny dipping, it was so warm on the beach and really pleasant. We drove to Mugsys back in Auckland and had dinner, watched Alpha Dog and had a good night sleep before returning the car and flying to Christchurch.
