The ferry from Koh Phangan to Koh Tao was rough! We missed most of the post full moon exiles who went to Samui but the boat was still packed (although in my comatosed status I didn't know this). I was awoken by a kick to my leg, it was the women who had spent most of the journey moaning about everything and anything she could clambering over me to spew out of the window. I don't get sea sick, regardless of how hung over I was, but I can't do the smell of sick and she made the cabin stink. So I set off down the boat during a ridiculous swell and soon found myself tripping over the people littering the floor, bouncing off the walls and falling into seats whether they be vacant or not. I found a place to sit for the last part of the trip and hurriedly vacated the boat seconds after she moored up. Koh Tao has the natural charm of a Thai Island but with some of the best reefs and marine life it has become a mecca for diving, and as such all accommodation is pretty much a dive centre as well. We stayed in Sai Rei Cottages, a shady and outrageously good value complex just off the beach and just out of ear shot of the night life but a five minute walk away...not that post full moon we cared about 'getting on it'. Our main aim here was to rest up and transition from full on to normal again (or as normal as a traveller can be). I showered and then slept until early evening where I met Penny in a cozy cafe style bar/restaurant. I had dinner and then went on a walk and discovered a much more laid back and chilled out vibe, exactly what we were looking for. It did still cater for the boozing party tourists but it was on a smaller scale and way more relaxed. The beach however had the bars and night life I craved with fire acts, beach BBQ's and good music. Penny and I shared a bungalow for B350 which is £7 and up the way we saw stunning air conditioned bungalows for B1600 (£32) a luxury which makes you wonder why we pay so much for crappy hotels with great car park views in the UK. This inspired me to return when I have made so money and this 'luxury' could actually become the normality. Not to say that I would go to 5* hotels, I would follow the tourist route but instead of budget rooms and dorms I would stay in a nicer room for a week for the same price as one night in a Premier Inn in Hull on a Tuesday in October.....breakfast not included. The change in attitude and mentality on this island made me feel like Richard and reinvented my search for paradise amongst the 'parasites' who go to and ruin these locations.
That night I couldn't sleep, not really a surprise considering I slept for the entire four hour boat trip and also all afternoon. I went for a walk and took my time to think through a decision. I had a chat with Penny and then after being awake most of the night making considerations I eventually slept on it.
We checked out of the bungalows the next morning as they had been booked out by the dive centre. We walked up Sai Rai beach and had breakfast overlooking the water which was rather pleasant and I was very confident of my decision to return home for Christmas and surprise my friends and family. We checked into the Blue Wind and booked our forthcoming travel to Phi Phi. It was a relaxing day, we swam and exchanged travel anecdotes, we played cards on our porch and watched the sun drop into the Gulf of Thailand in a stunning orange and pink glow. We had dinner and a few drinks and checked out the beach activity before setting up the mosquito nets.....which turned out to be a waste of time. With the fan on the room was cool enough but the beds were so worn they would alert you to any minor movement even with my earplugs in, which disrupted any form of extended sleep.
We had breakfast, checked out and had the usually 200 person queue for the boat tickets which they send you from line to line, which I am sure is only for their own amusement. Fortunately this time we got the high speed catamaran that 'doesn't go from side to side'. It was a pleasant and fast crossing to Koh Phangan where we waited to be picked up by another Cat. When we were waiting a middle aged American came and asked us when the bus leaves to Phuket, when we were on a different Island.....on the wrong coast of Thailand, A for confidence but I think he is failing Geography. I had another experience of Thai people not queueing which really annoys me and then we got the ferry back to Surat Thani and connecting bus to Krabi. I somehow managed to sleep on this bus that shook rattled and was more likely to roll than Big Joe Turner and only seemed fit to go into circulation on the school bus run in South Wales.
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Tuesday 13 December 2011
A Full Moon in Koh Phangang
So as part of our travelling to Koh Phangan we checked out of our 'hotel' in Bangkok and sat around all day in a free wifi bar waiting for the bus. I had a massage and went for a few walks before we were finally collected and made to stand by the side of a busy road in thick smog to actually get on the bus. The bus was a lovely experience of remote comfort and AC that if anything was too cold. I had some very vivid dreams of being on Robinswood Crescent with my brother Rob and having deep purple lightening strike and burn everything while we ran around trying to get people indoors and animals away which consisted of mainly dogs but also a camel and a bear. When it had finished and we walked up to our street the wind blew through so hard that it distorted vision in a white blur carrying chunks of newspapers and left hundreds of black umbrellas outside my door. When we got to the house we found it boarded up by the children versions of Billy the Kid and the hole in the wall gang. Back to reality; when we got to Surat Thani we were ceremonially shouted at to get off the bus and wait for the bus to the port. When we finally made it to the port it was a two hour ferry via Ko Samui to Koh Phangan, where the fun began. We had to fight against travellers to get our bags which were heaped into a pile dockside then push our way through to get the taxis and after the bouncy journey we had to slog our way through the streets of Haad Rin to find our accommodation. So after 20hrs of travelling we were finally there, so we took a look at the stunning main beach and the not so nice but good enough topless beach. We had lunch and I went for a swim leaving Penny to read his book. After my swim I went for a walk and ended up playing an hour of beach football, which left me blowing out of my ass. After I had cleaned up I met the boys I had just played footie with at Same Same their Danish hostel. We played some drinking games and met a wenglish girl and lost at the quiz. I bought Penny a pint of Stowford press and left him chatting up the wenglish girl while I went to a pool party in Coral View. When we got there one of the boys tried to push me in and after a brief wrestle spear tackled me at the water....and missed, crashing me onto the hard concrete spine first, then I bounced into the pool cutting my leg. I was pretty drunk so I carried on partying including being the base in a three man totem poll and wrestling with girls in their underwear, before calling it a night and heading to bed.
I had a long cold sleep and then watched Rome while Laptopping. Penny and I caught up and I found out his safety first approach let the fish of the hook. I met our room mates, a hot Korean chick and a Californian guy who loved to talk and turned out to be a rather lucrative drug dealer in the US and has done some serious time inside. I rented us a moped and Penny took to the bitch seat, but as we were dangerously overloaded we were constantly on a wobble. We didn't let this deter us and in true Che Guevara style we took off into the jungle toppling over left and right and centre on the badly beaten dirt roads. Eventually we made it to a beach that is supposed to be one of the nicer ones on the island but the wind and bad weather had come in leaving it cold and deserted, so we headed back. In the room we met pretty much everyone else including zee Germans, some Americans, a fellow Brit and the odd other vagabond all with their own story. The pretty standardised approach to meeting fellow travellers consists of the following:-
1 Hi! Whats your name?
2 Where are you from?
- Follow up retort; I was there in............./ I love it there/ that's cool
3 How long are you in ............(insert country/place)
4 Where are going after this?
5 Where have you been?
This is not deep and meaningful but you realise its fairly standard, usually followed up by want to grab a beer/shag? I have not met many enlightened or deeply interesting people in Koh Phangan outside my dorm but they normally fall into the following categories of older hippies who never made a life choice, people who are avoiding making a life choice or gap yar time wasters putting off the next stage of their lives without learning anything, louts who are looking to get pissed and have a shag or fight, drug tourists and air heads who came because they were told to. It's a nice island and the revelling is fun but there is zero depth to this 'festival'. Penny and I walked along the beach seeing the hastily erected liquor stalls being prepared for the carnage that was about to unfold. We chilled in our room till late so as not to do my classic mistake of overcooking to early, we were thinking of hitting up our bar but these French arseholes who can only be described as louts, which I thought was a British institution were being lary and pretty much attacking women in the street to try and grope them. It was quite disgusting, next they will be claiming benefits, reading les Sun newspaper and pop out little french chavvy bastards. We ignored them and wandered down to the beach where the party was kicking off with thumping tunes, body paints and buckets of booze. On the beach we bumped into the boys from the other night, got some buckets and raved a little bit. One of the boys genuinely looks like Manuel from Faulty Towers and we gave him the 'He's from Barcelona' banter. After a while he suggested we take a long tail boat to a secret bar away from Haad Rin. I didn't really have the funds but curiosity got the better of me and I jumped about the boat for a very choppy trip up the coast. It was a private and secret bar that some guy had opened away from main roads and had apparently paid off the cops to allow drug taking and even provide a drugs menu. Penny and I drank while the rest of the boys experimented with more illicit substances and we watched on and laughed as they tripped balls. It got late and we took the equally as expensive and dangerous boat ride back to Haad Rin and called it a night as it was 4am, although the beach raving purists were still going hard.
I was woken by the drug dealer in our room offering me pills in exchange for some water, I declined but gave him the water anyway. I was again woken by the Korean girl asking loudly why everyone had been asking her 'how much?'. After the initial ruccus of people getting up I napped again until those French bastards started pumping music out of the bar downstairs. I found out that tonight was going to be a Lunar Eclipse visible in Asia as well as the full moon party this got us very excited. We had a curry lunch and booked our boat to Koh Tao on Monday and settled in to a chilled afternoon in prep for the BIG night. Eventually when we started getting ready for the Full Moon Party everyone started coming out of their shell and I realised that we had a good group in our room, especially when we started body painting each other, as is the custom. I exchanged Welsh words for Dutch with one of the girls and she wrote down my arm SWAFFELEN, and sang it to LMFAO everyday I'm shuffling. Look it up and have a good laugh. In the meantime I got chatting to this gorgeous Irish lass who was out here for four months to learn Thai massage enroute to Sydney. I asked her if it was erotic massage, thinking she had probably heard that a hundred times before to which she replied in her sexy Irish accent 'I don't have to go to Thailand to learn how to give a Happy Ending.' So we went out with our dealer friend, a guy from California, the Dutch body paint girl who is a Doctor in Thailand and the hot Korean chick. We hit the beach and throughout the night we bumped into and lost almost everyone we had seen so far on the Island; we all drank buckets half full with vodka (the dutch doctor gave the dealer one of sea water when he was high and he spewed), I got propositioned by a ladyboy prostitute (if you were wondering I declined) and we raved the night away until I was completely seperated (as most stories the next day started) from everyone and felt I had contributed enough efforts to the Karma of the party and went to bed via a quick food stop. I must have made friends as almost everyone as they returned to the dorm woke me for a chat or say hi which was pretty cool, including hot Irish Helen.
I woke early to a scene that could only be compared to a Roman orgy, half the people in our small cramped dorm had brought back company and were going at it hammer and tong. I sat up, took stock, laughed uncontrollably and then went back to sleep. When I awoke again its because the two airhead American girls who claim that got in at 1am (lame) were chatting loudly with the company they had brought back. Using the word SO way too much and lacking a diverse range of adjectives to convey hilarity of the rather timid account of the English guys past. Penny had snored all night and this guy who wasn't a guest of the dorm kept throwing stuff at him so he woke looking like he rinsed a carnival of all its prizes. I no longer feel his snoring will be an issue as our dealer friend gave me earplugs......to choke him with. But in all seriousness I used them last night and they worked so well. I had random chats with people in the room as they departed including Mark a guy from Manchester who had been trying to sleep while our dealer friend was banging a prostitute right next to him. I went for lunch with Cooper and we discussed the fallout from the night before and all the shenanigans in the room in the morning. We went for a swim but the tide was high, the wind blowing hard and the shallows filled with sandals and broken glass so I gave up and went and chilled in the room. I chatted with Kyle the drug dealer and he informed me that he shagged the Japanese girl he was with on the beach and a Thai girl who asked for cash in the dorm but didn't pay her. He then offered a bounty of B1000 to get in touch with the Japanese girl from the night before as he had not got her details. I then had a lovely chat with Helen the fun and hot Irish chick about travelling and seemed to be on the topic of sea gypsies for way to long. This girl is kind of awesome, she gives me shit all the time and keeps me on my toes! We exchanged details with the possibility of travelling together at some stage. I really like our crowd and now that I have got to hear most of their stories I'm really enjoying their company but I still maintain my earlier comments about types of travellers to Koh Phangan. We had also met a guy that had been asked to walk a girl home as this English guy was following her and he got beaten up and gouged, the police battered the guy severely but his retina was detached and as there was no arrest just mob justice he probably won't be able to sue. Then the girl who asked him to walk her home called him a dick for fighting, I too have had doing the right thing get me beaten up with no gratitude so I fully sympathised. We chilled in Mushroom Mountain watching the sun go down over the main beach then after Kyle turned up stoned we got some beach bucket cocktails and went for a Curry. We ordered way too much but somehow managed to finish it. We went back to the room and played drinking games with Loes (dutch doctor) and Helen (hot Irish) which was a good laugh. Kyle came back to the room with a slashed toe and Loes dealt with the cut while I cleaned up and around 1am we decided to go out drinking on the beach. We did fire limbo and I unfortunately lost although I did make it down to the last few, guess I was just way too pissed this time. We danced the night away in the shallows and Penny spent a nice while spewing and when I checked on him he spewed on my arm. I saw Mars and stared at it quite a bit as was my liquor fixation. Back in the room I drunkenly flipped off Loes and can't remember why and she hit me while I was asleep and anywho we had a bloody great night, and I hope we're all still friends.
We got a taxi to the port still drunk and starting to hang, turns out the results were in and the final total for the party (according to fat nosey bitch waiting for ferry) was 632 injured 2 dead, good partying! I had walked away unscathed and felt bad about it. I got on the ferry and slept away my troubles in the cabin as Koh Phangan disappeared under the horizon.
I had a long cold sleep and then watched Rome while Laptopping. Penny and I caught up and I found out his safety first approach let the fish of the hook. I met our room mates, a hot Korean chick and a Californian guy who loved to talk and turned out to be a rather lucrative drug dealer in the US and has done some serious time inside. I rented us a moped and Penny took to the bitch seat, but as we were dangerously overloaded we were constantly on a wobble. We didn't let this deter us and in true Che Guevara style we took off into the jungle toppling over left and right and centre on the badly beaten dirt roads. Eventually we made it to a beach that is supposed to be one of the nicer ones on the island but the wind and bad weather had come in leaving it cold and deserted, so we headed back. In the room we met pretty much everyone else including zee Germans, some Americans, a fellow Brit and the odd other vagabond all with their own story. The pretty standardised approach to meeting fellow travellers consists of the following:-
1 Hi! Whats your name?
2 Where are you from?
- Follow up retort; I was there in............./ I love it there/ that's cool
3 How long are you in ............(insert country/place)
4 Where are going after this?
5 Where have you been?
This is not deep and meaningful but you realise its fairly standard, usually followed up by want to grab a beer/shag? I have not met many enlightened or deeply interesting people in Koh Phangan outside my dorm but they normally fall into the following categories of older hippies who never made a life choice, people who are avoiding making a life choice or gap yar time wasters putting off the next stage of their lives without learning anything, louts who are looking to get pissed and have a shag or fight, drug tourists and air heads who came because they were told to. It's a nice island and the revelling is fun but there is zero depth to this 'festival'. Penny and I walked along the beach seeing the hastily erected liquor stalls being prepared for the carnage that was about to unfold. We chilled in our room till late so as not to do my classic mistake of overcooking to early, we were thinking of hitting up our bar but these French arseholes who can only be described as louts, which I thought was a British institution were being lary and pretty much attacking women in the street to try and grope them. It was quite disgusting, next they will be claiming benefits, reading les Sun newspaper and pop out little french chavvy bastards. We ignored them and wandered down to the beach where the party was kicking off with thumping tunes, body paints and buckets of booze. On the beach we bumped into the boys from the other night, got some buckets and raved a little bit. One of the boys genuinely looks like Manuel from Faulty Towers and we gave him the 'He's from Barcelona' banter. After a while he suggested we take a long tail boat to a secret bar away from Haad Rin. I didn't really have the funds but curiosity got the better of me and I jumped about the boat for a very choppy trip up the coast. It was a private and secret bar that some guy had opened away from main roads and had apparently paid off the cops to allow drug taking and even provide a drugs menu. Penny and I drank while the rest of the boys experimented with more illicit substances and we watched on and laughed as they tripped balls. It got late and we took the equally as expensive and dangerous boat ride back to Haad Rin and called it a night as it was 4am, although the beach raving purists were still going hard.
I was woken by the drug dealer in our room offering me pills in exchange for some water, I declined but gave him the water anyway. I was again woken by the Korean girl asking loudly why everyone had been asking her 'how much?'. After the initial ruccus of people getting up I napped again until those French bastards started pumping music out of the bar downstairs. I found out that tonight was going to be a Lunar Eclipse visible in Asia as well as the full moon party this got us very excited. We had a curry lunch and booked our boat to Koh Tao on Monday and settled in to a chilled afternoon in prep for the BIG night. Eventually when we started getting ready for the Full Moon Party everyone started coming out of their shell and I realised that we had a good group in our room, especially when we started body painting each other, as is the custom. I exchanged Welsh words for Dutch with one of the girls and she wrote down my arm SWAFFELEN, and sang it to LMFAO everyday I'm shuffling. Look it up and have a good laugh. In the meantime I got chatting to this gorgeous Irish lass who was out here for four months to learn Thai massage enroute to Sydney. I asked her if it was erotic massage, thinking she had probably heard that a hundred times before to which she replied in her sexy Irish accent 'I don't have to go to Thailand to learn how to give a Happy Ending.' So we went out with our dealer friend, a guy from California, the Dutch body paint girl who is a Doctor in Thailand and the hot Korean chick. We hit the beach and throughout the night we bumped into and lost almost everyone we had seen so far on the Island; we all drank buckets half full with vodka (the dutch doctor gave the dealer one of sea water when he was high and he spewed), I got propositioned by a ladyboy prostitute (if you were wondering I declined) and we raved the night away until I was completely seperated (as most stories the next day started) from everyone and felt I had contributed enough efforts to the Karma of the party and went to bed via a quick food stop. I must have made friends as almost everyone as they returned to the dorm woke me for a chat or say hi which was pretty cool, including hot Irish Helen.
I woke early to a scene that could only be compared to a Roman orgy, half the people in our small cramped dorm had brought back company and were going at it hammer and tong. I sat up, took stock, laughed uncontrollably and then went back to sleep. When I awoke again its because the two airhead American girls who claim that got in at 1am (lame) were chatting loudly with the company they had brought back. Using the word SO way too much and lacking a diverse range of adjectives to convey hilarity of the rather timid account of the English guys past. Penny had snored all night and this guy who wasn't a guest of the dorm kept throwing stuff at him so he woke looking like he rinsed a carnival of all its prizes. I no longer feel his snoring will be an issue as our dealer friend gave me earplugs......to choke him with. But in all seriousness I used them last night and they worked so well. I had random chats with people in the room as they departed including Mark a guy from Manchester who had been trying to sleep while our dealer friend was banging a prostitute right next to him. I went for lunch with Cooper and we discussed the fallout from the night before and all the shenanigans in the room in the morning. We went for a swim but the tide was high, the wind blowing hard and the shallows filled with sandals and broken glass so I gave up and went and chilled in the room. I chatted with Kyle the drug dealer and he informed me that he shagged the Japanese girl he was with on the beach and a Thai girl who asked for cash in the dorm but didn't pay her. He then offered a bounty of B1000 to get in touch with the Japanese girl from the night before as he had not got her details. I then had a lovely chat with Helen the fun and hot Irish chick about travelling and seemed to be on the topic of sea gypsies for way to long. This girl is kind of awesome, she gives me shit all the time and keeps me on my toes! We exchanged details with the possibility of travelling together at some stage. I really like our crowd and now that I have got to hear most of their stories I'm really enjoying their company but I still maintain my earlier comments about types of travellers to Koh Phangan. We had also met a guy that had been asked to walk a girl home as this English guy was following her and he got beaten up and gouged, the police battered the guy severely but his retina was detached and as there was no arrest just mob justice he probably won't be able to sue. Then the girl who asked him to walk her home called him a dick for fighting, I too have had doing the right thing get me beaten up with no gratitude so I fully sympathised. We chilled in Mushroom Mountain watching the sun go down over the main beach then after Kyle turned up stoned we got some beach bucket cocktails and went for a Curry. We ordered way too much but somehow managed to finish it. We went back to the room and played drinking games with Loes (dutch doctor) and Helen (hot Irish) which was a good laugh. Kyle came back to the room with a slashed toe and Loes dealt with the cut while I cleaned up and around 1am we decided to go out drinking on the beach. We did fire limbo and I unfortunately lost although I did make it down to the last few, guess I was just way too pissed this time. We danced the night away in the shallows and Penny spent a nice while spewing and when I checked on him he spewed on my arm. I saw Mars and stared at it quite a bit as was my liquor fixation. Back in the room I drunkenly flipped off Loes and can't remember why and she hit me while I was asleep and anywho we had a bloody great night, and I hope we're all still friends.
We got a taxi to the port still drunk and starting to hang, turns out the results were in and the final total for the party (according to fat nosey bitch waiting for ferry) was 632 injured 2 dead, good partying! I had walked away unscathed and felt bad about it. I got on the ferry and slept away my troubles in the cabin as Koh Phangan disappeared under the horizon.
Wednesday 7 December 2011
Bangkok has him now
While sitting in Sydney airport we decided that in preparation for Asia we needed some safety rules to protect us from basically dying. So here they are so far:-
1 Complete discretion, what goes on tour stays on tour
2 Do not let me get drunk and jump in a Thai Kick Boxing ring
3 Under no circumstance allow either of us to willingly or unwilling shag a ladyboy
At this point I started to lag as I was hung over and working off three hours sleep. Penny played KTB while I lapped the airport. I checked the extortionate exchange rates and tried my best not to buy airport travel porn. We decided to have a few drinks on the flight which turned into the most I have ever drunk on a flight ever....they just wouldn't cut us off, bless you Thai Airways. However in doing this we broke the cardinal sin of travelling don't arrive in a new city, completely different to what you are used to pissed, it can be a recipe for disaster. In our case we got lucky, we got an airport to a hostel, checked in and chillaxed. It's exactly how my imagery of a Bangkok twin room would be with two hard mattresses, a ceiling fan and just enough room to turn around with a shared shower/toilet/living hell. We went exploring (drinking) through Khao San, meeting a few characters but the alcohol and jet lag determined an early night.
I woke early to an odd smell and found a pile of human shit behind Pennys bed. It was early and I was still drunk so figuring what it was and more importantly who dunnit was not a fast task. It had dried so it was from the night before when we were both smashed so it became Sherlock Holmes messiest mystery yet. Of course Penny denied it, even though I remember coming back and passing out while Penny can't remember getting back. So it was left to a case of Cluedo and with my humble 'guess' I would like to go with Prof Penny Plum in the Bangkok hotel room with plenty of alcohol. We took a Tuk Tuk on a tour of the city getting a cheap breakfast and joined some locals for a customary beer at breakfast, although it was 7am. We saw a few of the temples and other sites before seeing the extortionate side of the Thai people where we were taken to several Tailors so the Tuk Tuk driver could get petrol coupons and were heavily pressured into buying suits and making rash decisions. As neither of us would be swayed by their roguish trading tactics they became rude, then as did we. The Tuk Tuk driver then turned from being a friendly and helpful guide into a crook by not giving me change after the ride. It cost next to nothing and I was actually going to tip him what he took but these little shits love a scam. In the afternoon we took another Tuk Tuk to a few other sites but by now had learnt our lesson. We checked out the red light district in the day, as it is a realistic part of tourism in the city, it was quite unnerving and the idea of prostitution has never been my cup of tea but to see it marketed to sex tourists was rather sickening. I got a hair cut and shaved off my mo before we adjourned to a fish foot massage which is one of the weirdest things I have ever done. We had a nap then watched Shane Williams' last ever game for Wales, in which Wales lost but Shane had the last say with a try of his own. It may have been because the booze was flowing or that we just witnessed one final moment of Williams brilliance but it got a little emotional. Thank you for the memories Shane!
The next day we woke at an ungodly hour to take a day trip out of bustling Bangkok. We started at the Floating markets about two hours drive away. It was a snapshot of how Bangkok used to trade with long tail engine boats and stalls on the water. It was more commercialised, aimed at the tourists but a good way to see how things used to be before the Western Bastardisation of the former simple ways. After the market we went to the Cobra show where we saw a man piss of a King Cobra my slapping it before we were allowed to touch it, a man catch snakes with his teeth as well as a Mongoose kill a bunch of snakes. There was also loads of snake exhibits as well as crocs, monitor lizards and turtles, a bit cruel but definitely worth a visit. We had lunch and then went to the Bridge over the River Kwai which was highly commercialised but and important piece of history. The guide book didn't have a lot of nice things to say about this area and I agree in terms of street sellers and stalls but the bridge was rather impressive and we took a stroll across it. We followed this up with a final stop at the Tiger Temple, a Buddhist retreat where you can get up close and personal with Tigers, this was in short a once in a lifetime experience, sitting around stroking Bengal tigers and watching them interact with humans and other animals peacefully. We took a heavy traffic four hour trip back to Bangkok, for which Penny slept the majority of the way while I planned the rest of our Thai experience, got dinner at Silk before calling it a night.
We woke early, but not Bangkok early and spent the morning having breakfast, blogging and planning. Then after a lovely thai green curry we went to the park where they were setting up for the celebrations for the Kings birthday. There were loads of stalls and I ate deep fried bugs. We had a few beers then returned to the park to see the fireworks. After the fireworks they started setting off Chinese lanterns and a few rogue ones crashed into the crowd of trees. I saw one coming down and I tried to rescue it, but it caught on a fire and I looked like a twat trying to put it out. I bought my own and set it off with hundreds others into the Bangkok night. We went on to Lucky bar on Khao San and had some beers and due to the festivities we got free shots and free food, long live the King! We met some Aussies and some Geordies and I got incredibly drunk and autopilot set in and apparently I went home without saying anything.
I woke still pissed and as we had a day to kill I drank it away in the heat.
Feeling better but for the lack of sleep in the heat we checked out and had breakfast and prepared ourselves for the overnight bus to Koh Phangan.
1 Complete discretion, what goes on tour stays on tour
2 Do not let me get drunk and jump in a Thai Kick Boxing ring
3 Under no circumstance allow either of us to willingly or unwilling shag a ladyboy
At this point I started to lag as I was hung over and working off three hours sleep. Penny played KTB while I lapped the airport. I checked the extortionate exchange rates and tried my best not to buy airport travel porn. We decided to have a few drinks on the flight which turned into the most I have ever drunk on a flight ever....they just wouldn't cut us off, bless you Thai Airways. However in doing this we broke the cardinal sin of travelling don't arrive in a new city, completely different to what you are used to pissed, it can be a recipe for disaster. In our case we got lucky, we got an airport to a hostel, checked in and chillaxed. It's exactly how my imagery of a Bangkok twin room would be with two hard mattresses, a ceiling fan and just enough room to turn around with a shared shower/toilet/living hell. We went exploring (drinking) through Khao San, meeting a few characters but the alcohol and jet lag determined an early night.
I woke early to an odd smell and found a pile of human shit behind Pennys bed. It was early and I was still drunk so figuring what it was and more importantly who dunnit was not a fast task. It had dried so it was from the night before when we were both smashed so it became Sherlock Holmes messiest mystery yet. Of course Penny denied it, even though I remember coming back and passing out while Penny can't remember getting back. So it was left to a case of Cluedo and with my humble 'guess' I would like to go with Prof Penny Plum in the Bangkok hotel room with plenty of alcohol. We took a Tuk Tuk on a tour of the city getting a cheap breakfast and joined some locals for a customary beer at breakfast, although it was 7am. We saw a few of the temples and other sites before seeing the extortionate side of the Thai people where we were taken to several Tailors so the Tuk Tuk driver could get petrol coupons and were heavily pressured into buying suits and making rash decisions. As neither of us would be swayed by their roguish trading tactics they became rude, then as did we. The Tuk Tuk driver then turned from being a friendly and helpful guide into a crook by not giving me change after the ride. It cost next to nothing and I was actually going to tip him what he took but these little shits love a scam. In the afternoon we took another Tuk Tuk to a few other sites but by now had learnt our lesson. We checked out the red light district in the day, as it is a realistic part of tourism in the city, it was quite unnerving and the idea of prostitution has never been my cup of tea but to see it marketed to sex tourists was rather sickening. I got a hair cut and shaved off my mo before we adjourned to a fish foot massage which is one of the weirdest things I have ever done. We had a nap then watched Shane Williams' last ever game for Wales, in which Wales lost but Shane had the last say with a try of his own. It may have been because the booze was flowing or that we just witnessed one final moment of Williams brilliance but it got a little emotional. Thank you for the memories Shane!
The next day we woke at an ungodly hour to take a day trip out of bustling Bangkok. We started at the Floating markets about two hours drive away. It was a snapshot of how Bangkok used to trade with long tail engine boats and stalls on the water. It was more commercialised, aimed at the tourists but a good way to see how things used to be before the Western Bastardisation of the former simple ways. After the market we went to the Cobra show where we saw a man piss of a King Cobra my slapping it before we were allowed to touch it, a man catch snakes with his teeth as well as a Mongoose kill a bunch of snakes. There was also loads of snake exhibits as well as crocs, monitor lizards and turtles, a bit cruel but definitely worth a visit. We had lunch and then went to the Bridge over the River Kwai which was highly commercialised but and important piece of history. The guide book didn't have a lot of nice things to say about this area and I agree in terms of street sellers and stalls but the bridge was rather impressive and we took a stroll across it. We followed this up with a final stop at the Tiger Temple, a Buddhist retreat where you can get up close and personal with Tigers, this was in short a once in a lifetime experience, sitting around stroking Bengal tigers and watching them interact with humans and other animals peacefully. We took a heavy traffic four hour trip back to Bangkok, for which Penny slept the majority of the way while I planned the rest of our Thai experience, got dinner at Silk before calling it a night.
We woke early, but not Bangkok early and spent the morning having breakfast, blogging and planning. Then after a lovely thai green curry we went to the park where they were setting up for the celebrations for the Kings birthday. There were loads of stalls and I ate deep fried bugs. We had a few beers then returned to the park to see the fireworks. After the fireworks they started setting off Chinese lanterns and a few rogue ones crashed into the crowd of trees. I saw one coming down and I tried to rescue it, but it caught on a fire and I looked like a twat trying to put it out. I bought my own and set it off with hundreds others into the Bangkok night. We went on to Lucky bar on Khao San and had some beers and due to the festivities we got free shots and free food, long live the King! We met some Aussies and some Geordies and I got incredibly drunk and autopilot set in and apparently I went home without saying anything.
I woke still pissed and as we had a day to kill I drank it away in the heat.
Feeling better but for the lack of sleep in the heat we checked out and had breakfast and prepared ourselves for the overnight bus to Koh Phangan.
Monday 5 December 2011
I went to the Land down under, for a brief stop and plunder!
Our arrival to Sydney was smooth, we breezed through customs, received our bags quite quickly and set off to find transport to the city. This is where we felt the pinch of how costly this city can be with a $15 train to the city which was a 15 minute journey. We left the bags at the hostel and took the free bus to circular quay, visited the opera house and got the ferry to Manly, enjoying the stunning views that accompanied it. When we got to Manly we had 'ghost' chips and went down to the promenade where even though it was blowing quite heavily the beach was filled with beautiful people. We strolled the promenade, taking in the view and admiring how stunning Aussie women are (and the Europeans who have ventured over). Having been sleep deprived from the sty in the airport the night before I had a quick paddle then slept on the beach. It got really overcast and windy so I went for a walk, after a couple of laps of the promenade I felt groggy and excused myself to go check in, shower and have a nap. Unfortunately the boys arrived post shower and I didn't get the nap but we went on to a $3 beer establishment and had pizza after the hostels deals fell through. We had a couple of beers then got the party bus to Coyote in kings cross where we were promised a huge party, but even by about 11pm there was still little atmosphere and with Stoney falling asleep in the corner, and fatigue settling in, we decided to call it a night.
I went for breakfast by China town by myself while stone and pen had a lie in. I people watched and had a mean breakfast and met the boys and went for a walk through the botanical gardens. We walked the bridge and then went to century bar for beers o'clock and got pizza on the walk back. We met Ash from Fiji at his hostel and hit up our dive bar where Amy met us late, the drink flowed and very soon we were regaling Fiji tales and stories of lust and want! Amy with here 'huge' win at the casino splashed out for Hungry Jacks and we went to bed very drunk.
I woke early as I hadn't reset the time on my alarm and woke on New Zealand time. We checked out and wandered down to Darling Harbour, a favourite of Rachel and Amy, and actually her current residence......sex! We had breakfast harbour side, I showed my class as the boys orderd fry ups I had Salmon Benedict, and it was good. We visited a lighthouse then returned to Century bar to pass the afternoon before Stoney departed back to England. As we had checked out we no longer had access to the lounge, so I came up with a cunning plan, we bought pizza and got in the lift with other people who would scan there key card and sent us to comfort, where we also got goon and cheese....as per the hostels scheduled activity. We slept overnight in the cinema room which was a bit more comfortable.
We got up and collected the train tickets to the airport an returned to collect our bags from storage as if we were just picking them up and hadn't been there all night. It went off so smoothly it left me in a mischievous mood that dissolved as tiredness set in.
I went for breakfast by China town by myself while stone and pen had a lie in. I people watched and had a mean breakfast and met the boys and went for a walk through the botanical gardens. We walked the bridge and then went to century bar for beers o'clock and got pizza on the walk back. We met Ash from Fiji at his hostel and hit up our dive bar where Amy met us late, the drink flowed and very soon we were regaling Fiji tales and stories of lust and want! Amy with here 'huge' win at the casino splashed out for Hungry Jacks and we went to bed very drunk.
I woke early as I hadn't reset the time on my alarm and woke on New Zealand time. We checked out and wandered down to Darling Harbour, a favourite of Rachel and Amy, and actually her current residence......sex! We had breakfast harbour side, I showed my class as the boys orderd fry ups I had Salmon Benedict, and it was good. We visited a lighthouse then returned to Century bar to pass the afternoon before Stoney departed back to England. As we had checked out we no longer had access to the lounge, so I came up with a cunning plan, we bought pizza and got in the lift with other people who would scan there key card and sent us to comfort, where we also got goon and cheese....as per the hostels scheduled activity. We slept overnight in the cinema room which was a bit more comfortable.
We got up and collected the train tickets to the airport an returned to collect our bags from storage as if we were just picking them up and hadn't been there all night. It went off so smoothly it left me in a mischievous mood that dissolved as tiredness set in.
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