Tuesday, 13 December 2011

A Full Moon in Koh Phangang

So as part of our travelling to Koh Phangan we checked out of our 'hotel' in Bangkok and sat around all day in a free wifi bar waiting for the bus. I had a massage and went for a few walks before we were finally collected and made to stand by the side of a busy road in thick smog to actually get on the bus. The bus was a lovely experience of remote comfort and AC that if anything was too cold. I had some very vivid dreams of being on Robinswood Crescent with my brother Rob and having deep purple lightening strike and burn everything while we ran around trying to get people indoors and animals away which consisted of mainly dogs but also a camel and a bear. When it had finished and we walked up to our street the wind blew through so hard that it distorted vision in a white blur carrying chunks of newspapers and left hundreds of black umbrellas outside my door. When we got to the house we found it boarded up by the children versions of Billy the Kid and the hole in the wall gang. Back to reality; when we got to Surat Thani we were ceremonially shouted at to get off the bus and wait for the bus to the port. When we finally made it to the port it was a two hour ferry via Ko Samui to Koh Phangan, where the fun began. We had to fight against travellers to get our bags which were heaped into a pile dockside then push our way through to get the taxis and after the bouncy journey we had to slog our way through the streets of Haad Rin to find our accommodation. So after 20hrs of travelling we were finally there, so we took a look at the stunning main beach and the not so nice but good enough topless beach. We had lunch and I went for a swim leaving Penny to read his book. After my swim I went for a walk and ended up playing an hour of beach football, which left me blowing out of my ass. After I had cleaned up I met the boys I had just played footie with at Same Same their Danish hostel. We played some drinking games and met a wenglish girl and lost at the quiz. I bought Penny a pint of Stowford press and left him chatting up the wenglish girl while I went to a pool party in Coral View. When we got there one of the boys tried to push me in and after a brief wrestle spear tackled me at the water....and missed, crashing me onto the hard concrete spine first, then I bounced into the pool cutting my leg. I was pretty drunk so I carried on partying including being the base in a three man totem poll and wrestling with girls in their underwear, before calling it a night and heading to bed.

I had a long cold sleep and then watched Rome while Laptopping. Penny and I caught up and I found out his safety first approach let the fish of the hook. I met our room mates, a hot Korean chick and a Californian guy who loved to talk and turned out to be a rather lucrative drug dealer in the US and has done some serious time inside. I rented us a moped and Penny took to the bitch seat, but as we were dangerously overloaded we were constantly on a wobble. We didn't let this deter us and in true Che Guevara style we took off into the jungle toppling over left and right and centre on the badly beaten dirt roads. Eventually we made it to a beach that is supposed to be one of the nicer ones on the island but the wind and bad weather had come in leaving it cold and deserted, so we headed back. In the room we met pretty much everyone else including zee Germans, some Americans, a fellow Brit and the odd other vagabond all with their own story. The pretty standardised approach to meeting fellow travellers consists of the following:-
1 Hi! Whats your name?
2 Where are you from?
   - Follow up retort; I was there in............./ I love it there/ that's cool
3 How long are you in ............(insert country/place)
4 Where are going after this?
5 Where have you been?
This is not deep and meaningful but you realise its fairly standard, usually followed up by want to grab a beer/shag? I have not met many enlightened or deeply interesting people in Koh Phangan outside my dorm but they normally fall into the following categories of older hippies who never made a life choice, people who are avoiding making a life choice or gap yar time wasters putting off the next stage of their lives without learning anything, louts who are looking to get pissed and have a shag or fight, drug tourists and air heads who came because they were told to. It's a nice island and the revelling is fun but there is zero depth to this 'festival'. Penny and I walked along the beach seeing the hastily erected liquor stalls being prepared for the carnage that was about to unfold. We chilled in our room till late so as not to do my classic mistake of overcooking to early, we were thinking of hitting up our bar but these French arseholes who can only be described as louts, which I thought was a British institution were being lary and pretty much attacking women in the street to try and grope them. It was quite disgusting, next they will be claiming benefits, reading les Sun newspaper and pop out little french chavvy bastards. We ignored them and wandered down to the beach where the party was kicking off with thumping tunes, body paints and buckets of booze. On the beach we bumped into the boys from the other night, got some buckets and raved a little bit. One of the boys genuinely looks like Manuel from Faulty  Towers and we gave him the 'He's from Barcelona' banter. After a while he suggested we take a long tail boat to a secret bar away from Haad Rin. I didn't really have the funds but curiosity got the better of me and I jumped about the boat for a very choppy trip up the coast. It was a private and secret bar that some guy had opened away from main roads and had apparently paid off the cops to allow drug taking and even provide a drugs menu. Penny and I drank while the rest of the boys experimented with more illicit substances and we watched on and laughed as they tripped balls. It got late and we took the equally as expensive and dangerous boat ride back to Haad Rin and called it a night as it was 4am, although the beach raving purists were still going hard.

I was woken by the drug dealer in our room offering me pills in exchange for some water, I declined but gave him the water anyway. I was again woken by the Korean girl asking loudly why everyone had been asking her 'how much?'. After the initial ruccus of people getting up I napped again until those French bastards started pumping music out of the bar downstairs. I found out that tonight was going to be a Lunar Eclipse visible in Asia as well as the full moon party this got us very excited. We had a curry lunch and booked our boat to Koh Tao on Monday and settled in to a chilled afternoon in prep for the BIG night. Eventually when we started getting ready for the Full Moon Party everyone started coming out of their shell and I realised that we had a good group in our room, especially when we started body painting each other, as is the custom. I exchanged Welsh words for Dutch with one of the girls and she wrote down my arm SWAFFELEN, and sang it to LMFAO everyday I'm shuffling. Look it up and have a good laugh. In the meantime I got chatting to this gorgeous Irish lass who was out here for four months to learn Thai massage enroute to Sydney. I asked her if it was erotic massage, thinking she had probably heard that a hundred times before to which she replied in her sexy Irish accent 'I don't have to go to Thailand to learn how to give a Happy Ending.' So we went out with our dealer friend, a guy from California, the Dutch body paint girl who is a Doctor in Thailand and the hot  Korean chick. We hit the beach and throughout the night we bumped into and lost almost everyone we had seen so far on the Island; we all drank buckets half full with vodka (the dutch doctor gave the dealer one of sea water when he was high and he spewed), I got propositioned by a ladyboy prostitute (if you were wondering I declined) and we raved the night away until I was completely seperated (as most stories the next day started) from everyone and felt I had contributed enough efforts to the Karma of the party and went to bed via a quick food stop. I must have made friends as almost everyone as they returned to the dorm woke me for a chat or say hi which was pretty cool, including hot Irish Helen.

I woke early to a scene that could only be compared to a Roman orgy, half the people in our small cramped dorm had brought back company and were going at it hammer and tong. I sat up, took stock, laughed uncontrollably and then went back to sleep. When I awoke again its because the two airhead American girls who claim that got in at 1am (lame) were chatting loudly with the company they had brought back. Using the word SO way too much and lacking a diverse range of adjectives to convey hilarity of the rather timid account of the English guys past. Penny had snored all night and this guy who wasn't a guest of the dorm kept throwing stuff at him so he woke looking like he rinsed a carnival of all its prizes. I no longer feel his snoring will be an issue as our dealer friend gave me earplugs......to choke him with. But in all seriousness I used them last night and they worked so well. I had random chats with people in the room as they departed including Mark a guy from Manchester who had been trying to sleep while our dealer friend was banging a prostitute right next to him. I went for lunch with Cooper and we discussed the fallout from the night before and all the shenanigans in the room in the morning. We went for a swim but the tide was high, the wind blowing hard and the shallows filled with sandals and broken glass so I gave up and went and chilled in the room. I chatted with Kyle the drug dealer and he informed me that he shagged the Japanese girl he was with on the beach and a Thai girl who asked for cash in the dorm but didn't pay her. He then offered a bounty of B1000 to get in touch with the Japanese girl from the night before as he had not got her details. I then had a lovely chat with Helen the fun and hot Irish chick about travelling and seemed to be on the topic of sea gypsies for way to long. This girl is kind of awesome, she gives me shit all the time and keeps me on my toes! We exchanged details with the possibility of travelling together at some stage. I really like our crowd and now that I have got to hear most of their stories I'm really enjoying their company but I still maintain my earlier comments about types of travellers to Koh Phangan. We had also met a guy that had been asked to walk a girl home as this English guy was following her and he got beaten up and gouged, the police battered the guy severely but his retina was detached and as there was no arrest just mob justice he probably won't be able to sue. Then the girl who asked him to walk her home called him a dick for fighting, I too have had doing the right thing get me beaten up with no gratitude so I fully sympathised. We chilled in Mushroom Mountain watching the sun go down over the main beach then after Kyle turned up stoned we got some beach bucket cocktails and went for a Curry. We ordered way too much but somehow managed to finish it. We went back to the room and played drinking games with Loes (dutch doctor) and Helen (hot Irish) which was a good laugh. Kyle came back to the room with a slashed toe and Loes dealt with the cut while I cleaned up and around 1am we decided to go out drinking on the beach. We did fire limbo and I unfortunately lost although I did make it down to the last few, guess I was just way too pissed this time. We danced the night away in the shallows and Penny spent a nice while spewing and when I checked on him he spewed on my arm. I saw Mars and stared at it quite a bit as was my liquor fixation. Back in the room I drunkenly flipped off Loes and can't remember why and she hit me while I was asleep and anywho we had a bloody great night, and I hope we're all still friends.

We got a taxi to the port still drunk and starting to hang, turns out the results were in and the final total for the party (according to fat nosey bitch waiting for ferry) was 632 injured 2 dead, good partying! I had walked away unscathed and felt bad about it. I got on the ferry and slept away my troubles in the cabin as Koh Phangan disappeared under the horizon.

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